Unending Faith.

I'm not gonna lie, I often lose faith.
I let the negatives in my life get me down. I let them not only effect my current mood, but I let them put a damper on the days ahead of me.
As many of you know, I'm usually a happy person. I have a contagious smile which doesn't leave my face but sometimes, it is not the easiest to keep on.

I have days where I have an intense struggle on staying on the positive side of things. Life gets me down quite often and most of the time, I am strong enough to push through it. At other times, I can't help but get discouraged and just want to give up.
I'm the type of person that wants that "instant gratification" I want things to have an immediate result and when I don't see it, I loose sight of the good.
Even when I don't want my sight to be blurred, I can't help it.
Once I get this low, it's not easy for me to get back up and on track with a positive and open-minded out look on things.

This all gets to me so intensely that I even lose touch with God. I forget about His loving grace and mercy for me. I forget that no matter my circumstance, He is there for me to lean on.
His grace covers me.

In situations similar to mine, I just urge all of you to just stop for a few minutes. I don't care what you are doing. Just stop and pray. Even if you don't have words, just acknowledge that He is there! He is closest to those who are weak, He knows your struggles and He will never leave your side.

Keep the faith and "never stop praying!"
                                  1 thessalonians 5:17

Try this:
When you feel like you are at your breaking point, when you think everything and everyone is failing you.. write down encouraging verses and saying onto cards.
It puts your mind into positive thinking.
Trust me, it works!

Compassion

I have been around an immense amount of heart break lately and it has been people who I am very close with.
When they hurt, I hurt. When they cry, I cry. When they struggle, I struggle.
I know how it feels to have a broken heart. It's like you are forced to start all over and are pushed down to 0.

So many times, I am at a loss for words when a friend of mine is brokenhearted, I never know when to say what but all I have to do is look back and think about everything I needed when I was in the same place.

Most of the time, I wanted to be alone. I didn't want to interact with people and have to put on a face showing that I was "okay".. because I wasn't.
But not once did I ever stop putting all of my weight on God.
I let Him carry me every day.
And let me tell ya'll, He not once let me down. He held on to me tighter and tighter every day until He knew I could do it on my own again.

The only thing I can do is be there for the brokenhearted, give them what they need and insure them that God will NEVER give them more than they can handle.
Our God is good and gracious..  and it is soo good to know that we have each other and such a compassionate God that is there with us every step of the way.

To add to this blog, this morning in church there was a sermon delivered by John Ray about suffering.
I think it would be a good thing to go along with this blog post today so here are,

Three things to always remember:
1. Suffering is almost always for transformation.
2. God is closest to us when we are suffering, He is compassionate.
3. By following God, we can never be at peace with the world; faith sets us free from the fear of life.

Unfailing Love.

It is amazing how big God is.
People say that all the time, but seriously, think about it for a minute.

He is almighty and He is GOOD.

Lately I feel like God has placed certain people in my life for a specific reason.
People that are helping me to grow each and every day.
I've never really thought about it until today but each new person that God puts in my life, is a reflection to show me how absolutely wonderful He is.

His love for each and every one of us astounds me..
He puts us in each others lives to make relationships, to build off of each other, to be there for each other.. all while becoming closer to him.
We are each others accountability. We need each other to become closer to Him.

It may take some of us longer than others, but we never lose sight. We always know that He is right there because He is the one who created us. He built us. He is in all of us!
I don't know how all of you feel, but it is an incredible feeling to know that I was individually sculpted by Him into who I am today..
Just say that to yourself, "I was individually sculpted by the hands of my almighty Father."

He knows everything about every single one of us.
For real.. He must be so INCREDIBLY big because look at how much of us there are!
And He knows just exactly who He needs to put together to make right and to make everything flow and work together.

Gosh. That is amazing.
He is GOOD! Amen?

Not to mention,  His love for us and inside of us never fails to put those beautiful smiles on our faces.
We all shine and we shine because of Him.


My want for all of you is to just take a week.. ONE week to just give God all the glory.
I will do this too and I urge ya'll to try and stick with it.
For one week, when you pray, don't ask God for anything. In every prayer, give God adoration and praise. Thank Him for everything you have. Everything He has given you.

I know that it is hard to not ask for anything because we all have needs, but we often overlook how wonderful and glorious He is.
I'm not forcing anything, just thought it would be a change for all of us to try.

His unfailing love is so good to all of us. Lets praise Him.

Materialistic

I am worthless when it comes to making an effort in becoming closer to my God.
I know what I want our relationship to be like.
I know exactly how I want it to feel. But I fail every single time at actually making it happen.
I start to get lost in the newest "rap song" or the latest "hair trend".. or the pricey"summer dress" at my favorite boutique conveniently located two stores down from my salon.
This happens monthly. Well, let's be real.. it may be more like every two weeks.

I get obsessed with always wanting "what's in" that I forget to remember what even brought me here in the first place. My Savior, Jesus Christ.

I am so materialistic sometimes that it makes me sick.
I constantly want to impress people. I am always worried about what everyone thinks about me, or if they think my outfit suits my body type correctly or if they like my hair teased and hair sprayed just the way I like it..
I may sound like I am being harsh on myself but I'm just stating the truth. This all gets in the way of becoming closer to God. I'm constantly blurring my own vision. I am making this all harder on myself.

I want Him to be near.
I want to hear from Him.
But I cannot have either of those things unless I put in the full effort to make it work.

To turn myself back around, I reach out for God, praying for forgiveness and asking Him to bring me back to Him.
I worship and lift up my hands towards Him. Sending chills down my arms and never failing to bring me to tears.
God is amazing in His ways to move me. He always convicts my heart and sets me right back up where I need to be.
He is my hope, my confidence.. my faith is in Him alone.

"I'm glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess—happy that you're again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. I don't mean that your help didn't mean a lot to me—it did. It was a beautiful thing that you came alongside me in my troubles."
Philippians 4:10-14 (The Message) 

Distractions.

Why is it that I always put things in my life to distract me from my Father?

I pray daily that my heart is all for Jesus.. I pray that He will be the center of my relationships.. I pray that I don't get distracted and that I never stop believing and having faith in Him.
But yet, I do.
Maybe God puts things in my life as tests to see if I will become closer to Him, or stray away from Him like I often do.
You'd think after this long, I'd start passing His tests.. But I don't.
Mostly because I am putting no effort in. I am asking for soo much from Him, yet I am not even trying. I never strive to make my heart all for Him, I just ask for it. 
It's my heart.. I have to work to make it for Him. Duh.
Not sure why I thought it'd be as easy as a simple prayer and it would just suddenly become on fire for Him..

Gah.

I pray that I would stop going through these cycles and just be all for my God all the time. I'm tired of feeling lost and discouraged because with Him, I have clear sight and I am encouraged every day. With Him my heart is pure and my life events are only to praise Him.

I feel convicted. My heart is heavy.

I yearn to be obedient to Him.
I yearn to be closer to Him.
I yearn to have all the passion in my heart to be all for Him.
I yearn to want to be more like Him.
I yearn to thirst for Him.

I WANT TO YEARN FOR HIM.

Everlasting.

It's been exactly a month since I have blogged. That's really depressing. Sorry ya'll..

I don't have a lot to say because I haven't really prepared anything. But all I would like to say is never worry more than you pray. It's easy to say, hard to do.
I have to constantly tell myself that everything is going to be okay.. I struggle daily with the challenges put in my life but I never fail to overcome those challenges because I have God right by my side.
He is my strength, my hope and my stronghold. I have faith in Him every single day in knowing that everything will work out.


He never fails me.

God may put bumps in the road, but he never builds them higher than I am able to climb over. Some may take awhile, but He never lets me give up.
Even when I think I can't climb any higher, He picks me up and helps me over.
I can't stress to ya'll enough how important it is to realize that God is good and that He will never let you down. He is almighty. He knows what is good for you. He has a plan for you.
Live for Him and not for this world. Keep your eyes set on Him.. He is beautiful. He is everlasting.

He will never end.

"The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding."
Isaiah 40:28

The POWER of confession.

It's true.. you should confess to other so you can be forgiven.
It says so in the bible.

James 5:16 states,
"therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

But how easy is it to confess all of your faults to others? Are you scared that you will be judged?

I sure am..
It terrifies me.
If I were to tell everyone about alllllll my sins, people would have a completely different view of me.
But if confessing means that others would pray for me, that I would be healed.. Then why wouldn't I do it?
To be honest, I don't want this blog post to be seen by everyone. It's risky, and it's something that I feel veryyyy unsure about.
But if I want to completely give myself up to God. If I want to be ready for Him, then I have to surrender myself. I have to rid myself of sin. And I have to start living a life that only glorifies God.
And if that means confessing my faults for everyone to read, then okay. I should do it.

I don't even know where to begin, but I will try my best to not be all over the place. 
Here it goes:

1. I often find my value in being noticed by guys.
2. A lot of the time, I only think guys will like me if I give them what they want, when they ask for it.
3. I'm terrible at communication, therefore I will avoid it and put myself in compromising situations.
4. I want more than anything for guys to start noticing me by my heart, not by my looks. But first, I need to change myself so that they may do so.
5. I have great potential, I just can't seem to get on the right track.. and stay on it.
6. I struggle daily with my walk with Christ.
7. Distractions are huge for me and easily influence me.
8. I find myself "going to the line" without actually crossing it and thinking it's okay.
9. I find it extremely challenging to lay down my life for God.
10. I break my own heart daily because of my sin.
11. About 50% of my thoughts every day are impure.
12. I often get distracted when I pray and don't actually speak to the Lord.
13. I feel "lonely" if there isn't a guy I can talk to or who is acknowledging me.
14. I constantly look at others and wish I was more like them.
15. I always feel like I'm not "good enough" because of all my failed relationships.
16. I listen to the enemy more than I listen to God.
17. Every day, I look for the next guy instead of patiently waiting for God to bring him to me.
18. I lose faith easily and doubt myself.
19. I give guys way too much.
20. I've damaged my heart to the point of it needing years and years of healing before it can fully love my future spouse.
21. I need to learn to love myself before I can love God.
22. I fall back into my old habits because they are something I know how to do very well.
23. I give my heart away like it's nothing special.
24. I try and impress others way too much, for the wrong reasons.
25. I make promises to myself and to God all the time, and I always break them.

I'm sure there are plenty more that I could put on this list. I am not perfect in any way!

To be honest, confessing all of that, strangely enough.. feels kinda good..
Not saying I will never do those things again because, God already knows I will. But I am nothing without God.. And I know that with all of my heart. He is the reason I'm able to confess. He gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

With prayer and encouragement.. I will defeat all of these sins.

Take this life.

I heard a song as I was eating dinner and thinking about what to blog about.. not only did it inspire me to write something but it also made me realize that this is my exact song to the Lord..

Take this life
Forgive me for the words I spoke before they ever left my throat
My heart would rather rebel than obey
Forgive me for this life of sin I know
I need a new beginning Lord I've gone astray
Take this life make it yours
Do what's right oh Lord
You got to take this life take this life
You got to make it make it right
Take my flesh take my pride take the sins I try
To hide take my doubts take my fears
all the pain and all the tears and I fall down on my knees
Lord I'm begging ya please Lord
Take the shame take the blame it's all the same
Take this life
Make it right
Take this life
I don't want to live a life that's compromising to the King
I'd rather live for you than live for me or anything
Take this life (and all my hidden sins)
Do what's right (and everything within) oh Lord
You got take this take this life
You got make it right

Take This Life by Paul Wright 

Absolutely amazing.. am I right?!
I just feel as if I don't live how I'm supposed to. I mean, it's hard to. Everyone has a hard time being exactly who the Lord intended them to be but every day I think about it more and more and how I could be doing more.
I'm reading the book, "When God Writes Your Love Story" and in one of the chapters, one of the author quotes, "don't build God around your life, build your life around God."
Everything should be meant to glorify the King. Easy to say, right?
How about actually doing it?
Ya.. SUCKS!
I am so selfish with my every day decisions.. I think what is best for ME not what will bring glory to HIM.

I constantly find myself thinking about certain things that bring lust and sin into my life. Not that I am acting on them, but they are there and the potential for me to act on them is very high with them even crossing my mind.
Impure thoughts are my worst enemy.

I don't want something like that to destroy my life and relationship with Christ..
Ya, He will still love me even if I do sin.. but does it bring Him glory?
Absolutely not. 

I'm done living my life in shame.
I want Christ to take this life and make it right.

"Lord God, my prayer to You is for You to completely take this area of my life away and make it Yours. Make it clean. Make it new again. I trust You with every bit of me and I am in Your hands. Hold me and take my pain away. Purify me and demolish my sin. I want to live a life for You and I want others to see it.. I give it all up to you. Take it. I belong to you.. Give me a NEW beginning."

Something Great.

Do you ever feel like you just can't move?
Or like any move you make could either make you or break you?

Well, so have I.
I feel both of these things daily. My life is a constant struggle.
I moved away from home. I moved away from my comfort zone.
I'm trying to figure out what steps to take in my life. Which steps will benefit me.

But it seems like sometimes, when I take a step, I get scared. I don't keep my faith in Jesus. I lose that trust. Feeling like I'm going to fail. Why?

Because I'm selfish. I'm soo wrapped up in myself and thinking only about myself that I forget to remember that He is my rock. He is my stronghold. I forget that He will never let me down. That He will never leave me abandoned with nothing..

I want to renew my faith. I want it to be everlasting and true.
I want to feel strong every single day of my life with Him by my side.

I know if I do that, I will never ever be disappointed.
I will never feel left alone.



So I think my life is a struggle?
Maybe it is, but with God on my side.. nothing can ever destroy me.
Nothing can ever stop me from succeeding.
God made me wonderfully and beautifully so that I would never fail. So that I would never be worthless.
I am something and I am something great.

I may struggle here and there.. but God is here to hold my hand every step of the way.
Tears will be shed, my heart will get broken and I will feel hurt sometimes but no matter what, He is my God, my father.
And I will always believe in Him.

Vent.

First of all, I have not blogged in about 10 years. Which is not an exaggeration.. for real. I feel like it's been that long.
I have some things I need to say and honestly, I really need some feedback because I'm at the point where I'm feeling empty.. I don't know who I am anymore.
That sounds a little much, but I'm serious.
Then again, I am only 19 and have an immense amount of time to figure myself out but I just feel like I'm wasting time with being who I am right now and it's putting so much pressure on me.

I'm wanting to be someone amazing. Someone who is soo incredibly in love with Jesus that everyone around me can see it and someone who is okay with being alone. But I'm not and it's down-right bothering me. The bottom line is.. I don't know HOW to be okay with it..
And maybe it's because I've never been alone. Ever since I can remember, I've had someone and that certain someone was always around. It was always someone to talk to, someone to make me laugh, someone to simply, be by my side.

So the question is, why can't Jesus be that "certain someone" for me?

He would be absolutely perfect for that spot and I want Him, more than anything, to be that spot.
He would never leave. He would never break my heart. He would never criticize anything about me.. He would just love me, for me. Period.
I need that in my life and I need to be okay with it.
My relationship with him needs to be strengthened.. reading His word will help me out more than anything. So why can't I just pick it up and read it? WHAT is hard about that?
I can't have a relationship with Him if I know nothing about Him.
He knows everything about me already. A relationship with me is a piece of cake for Him. He is just waiting for me to make the move and become head over heels in love with Him in a 110% committed and faithful relationship.
He gives me His best. He deserves my best. I need to do the same.

As I said in the beginning, I want to be soo in love with Jesus..
and I want it to be forever.
I'm tired of this halfhearted crap. I need to do more.