I have some things I need to say and honestly, I really need some feedback because I'm at the point where I'm feeling empty.. I don't know who I am anymore.
That sounds a little much, but I'm serious.
Then again, I am only 19 and have an immense amount of time to figure myself out but I just feel like I'm wasting time with being who I am right now and it's putting so much pressure on me.
I'm wanting to be someone amazing. Someone who is soo incredibly in love with Jesus that everyone around me can see it and someone who is okay with being alone. But I'm not and it's down-right bothering me. The bottom line is.. I don't know HOW to be okay with it..
And maybe it's because I've never been alone. Ever since I can remember, I've had someone and that certain someone was always around. It was always someone to talk to, someone to make me laugh, someone to simply, be by my side.
So the question is, why can't Jesus be that "certain someone" for me?
He would be absolutely perfect for that spot and I want Him, more than anything, to be that spot.
He would never leave. He would never break my heart. He would never criticize anything about me.. He would just love me, for me. Period.
I need that in my life and I need to be okay with it.
My relationship with him needs to be strengthened.. reading His word will help me out more than anything. So why can't I just pick it up and read it? WHAT is hard about that?
I can't have a relationship with Him if I know nothing about Him.
He knows everything about me already. A relationship with me is a piece of cake for Him. He is just waiting for me to make the move and become head over heels in love with Him in a 110% committed and faithful relationship.
He gives me His best. He deserves my best. I need to do the same.
As I said in the beginning, I want to be soo in love with Jesus..
and I want it to be forever.
I'm tired of this
I'll be honest, a relationship with Jesus is tough to keep up. I'm consistently plagued by doubt and apathy. But its worth it. Despite my daily unfaithfulness, He is constant.
ReplyDeleteAll this to say, you're not the only one!
First of all my love ure an absolutely AMAZING WOMAN!! I'm so blessed to have you as my friend.....second everyone you come into contact does know how much you love God! Unfortunately my love ur in that 19 early 20 stage where ur identity changes ur no longer in high school, for us no longer in college, ure no longer in the place u called home ur whole life that is a security blanket where there's no way you could be alone;-) but sometimes being lost is the greatest thing because when u find ur way, u find ur heart! It may take tears, hurt, and struggle but God is there win you and when u find yourself on the otherwise you'll know that ure absolutely in love with him.....if it was easy we'd never fully appreciate it and respect it!! You have more desire for God than anyone I've ever met!!! I know you'll find yourself and that love;-)
ReplyDeleteMy Princess Bride,
ReplyDeleteYou have captured My heart, My Princess. I will always love you. From the moment I dreamed you up, I loved and adored you. This love I have for you is never ending and ever present. My heartfelt desire is for you to walk through all your days knowing you are truly the love of My life. I never want you to feel you have to earn My affection; nothing you have said or done can or will ever change the way I feel about you. I have chosen you to be My precious Bride. If you allow your soul to settle into Mine and become one with Me, you will never doubt that I am forever and always devoted to you.
Love,
Your Prince Jesus
who can't stop loving you
(from His Princess Bride)
I love you so much, Meg. And I am SO proud of you. We are human and that means we make mistakes, but God is always ready to welcome us home again. I know how it feels to realize that you can't stand being alone...but God will work with you on that if you let Him. Taking a 9 month (or year long) break from dating is one of the best things I've done for myself and for God. He really will love you back to life... :)
I love you so much :)