Materialistic

I am worthless when it comes to making an effort in becoming closer to my God.
I know what I want our relationship to be like.
I know exactly how I want it to feel. But I fail every single time at actually making it happen.
I start to get lost in the newest "rap song" or the latest "hair trend".. or the pricey"summer dress" at my favorite boutique conveniently located two stores down from my salon.
This happens monthly. Well, let's be real.. it may be more like every two weeks.

I get obsessed with always wanting "what's in" that I forget to remember what even brought me here in the first place. My Savior, Jesus Christ.

I am so materialistic sometimes that it makes me sick.
I constantly want to impress people. I am always worried about what everyone thinks about me, or if they think my outfit suits my body type correctly or if they like my hair teased and hair sprayed just the way I like it..
I may sound like I am being harsh on myself but I'm just stating the truth. This all gets in the way of becoming closer to God. I'm constantly blurring my own vision. I am making this all harder on myself.

I want Him to be near.
I want to hear from Him.
But I cannot have either of those things unless I put in the full effort to make it work.

To turn myself back around, I reach out for God, praying for forgiveness and asking Him to bring me back to Him.
I worship and lift up my hands towards Him. Sending chills down my arms and never failing to bring me to tears.
God is amazing in His ways to move me. He always convicts my heart and sets me right back up where I need to be.
He is my hope, my confidence.. my faith is in Him alone.

"I'm glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess—happy that you're again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I don't have a sense of needing anything personally. I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. I don't mean that your help didn't mean a lot to me—it did. It was a beautiful thing that you came alongside me in my troubles."
Philippians 4:10-14 (The Message)