Take this life.

I heard a song as I was eating dinner and thinking about what to blog about.. not only did it inspire me to write something but it also made me realize that this is my exact song to the Lord..

Take this life
Forgive me for the words I spoke before they ever left my throat
My heart would rather rebel than obey
Forgive me for this life of sin I know
I need a new beginning Lord I've gone astray
Take this life make it yours
Do what's right oh Lord
You got to take this life take this life
You got to make it make it right
Take my flesh take my pride take the sins I try
To hide take my doubts take my fears
all the pain and all the tears and I fall down on my knees
Lord I'm begging ya please Lord
Take the shame take the blame it's all the same
Take this life
Make it right
Take this life
I don't want to live a life that's compromising to the King
I'd rather live for you than live for me or anything
Take this life (and all my hidden sins)
Do what's right (and everything within) oh Lord
You got take this take this life
You got make it right

Take This Life by Paul Wright 

Absolutely amazing.. am I right?!
I just feel as if I don't live how I'm supposed to. I mean, it's hard to. Everyone has a hard time being exactly who the Lord intended them to be but every day I think about it more and more and how I could be doing more.
I'm reading the book, "When God Writes Your Love Story" and in one of the chapters, one of the author quotes, "don't build God around your life, build your life around God."
Everything should be meant to glorify the King. Easy to say, right?
How about actually doing it?
Ya.. SUCKS!
I am so selfish with my every day decisions.. I think what is best for ME not what will bring glory to HIM.

I constantly find myself thinking about certain things that bring lust and sin into my life. Not that I am acting on them, but they are there and the potential for me to act on them is very high with them even crossing my mind.
Impure thoughts are my worst enemy.

I don't want something like that to destroy my life and relationship with Christ..
Ya, He will still love me even if I do sin.. but does it bring Him glory?
Absolutely not. 

I'm done living my life in shame.
I want Christ to take this life and make it right.

"Lord God, my prayer to You is for You to completely take this area of my life away and make it Yours. Make it clean. Make it new again. I trust You with every bit of me and I am in Your hands. Hold me and take my pain away. Purify me and demolish my sin. I want to live a life for You and I want others to see it.. I give it all up to you. Take it. I belong to you.. Give me a NEW beginning."

Something Great.

Do you ever feel like you just can't move?
Or like any move you make could either make you or break you?

Well, so have I.
I feel both of these things daily. My life is a constant struggle.
I moved away from home. I moved away from my comfort zone.
I'm trying to figure out what steps to take in my life. Which steps will benefit me.

But it seems like sometimes, when I take a step, I get scared. I don't keep my faith in Jesus. I lose that trust. Feeling like I'm going to fail. Why?

Because I'm selfish. I'm soo wrapped up in myself and thinking only about myself that I forget to remember that He is my rock. He is my stronghold. I forget that He will never let me down. That He will never leave me abandoned with nothing..

I want to renew my faith. I want it to be everlasting and true.
I want to feel strong every single day of my life with Him by my side.

I know if I do that, I will never ever be disappointed.
I will never feel left alone.



So I think my life is a struggle?
Maybe it is, but with God on my side.. nothing can ever destroy me.
Nothing can ever stop me from succeeding.
God made me wonderfully and beautifully so that I would never fail. So that I would never be worthless.
I am something and I am something great.

I may struggle here and there.. but God is here to hold my hand every step of the way.
Tears will be shed, my heart will get broken and I will feel hurt sometimes but no matter what, He is my God, my father.
And I will always believe in Him.

Vent.

First of all, I have not blogged in about 10 years. Which is not an exaggeration.. for real. I feel like it's been that long.
I have some things I need to say and honestly, I really need some feedback because I'm at the point where I'm feeling empty.. I don't know who I am anymore.
That sounds a little much, but I'm serious.
Then again, I am only 19 and have an immense amount of time to figure myself out but I just feel like I'm wasting time with being who I am right now and it's putting so much pressure on me.

I'm wanting to be someone amazing. Someone who is soo incredibly in love with Jesus that everyone around me can see it and someone who is okay with being alone. But I'm not and it's down-right bothering me. The bottom line is.. I don't know HOW to be okay with it..
And maybe it's because I've never been alone. Ever since I can remember, I've had someone and that certain someone was always around. It was always someone to talk to, someone to make me laugh, someone to simply, be by my side.

So the question is, why can't Jesus be that "certain someone" for me?

He would be absolutely perfect for that spot and I want Him, more than anything, to be that spot.
He would never leave. He would never break my heart. He would never criticize anything about me.. He would just love me, for me. Period.
I need that in my life and I need to be okay with it.
My relationship with him needs to be strengthened.. reading His word will help me out more than anything. So why can't I just pick it up and read it? WHAT is hard about that?
I can't have a relationship with Him if I know nothing about Him.
He knows everything about me already. A relationship with me is a piece of cake for Him. He is just waiting for me to make the move and become head over heels in love with Him in a 110% committed and faithful relationship.
He gives me His best. He deserves my best. I need to do the same.

As I said in the beginning, I want to be soo in love with Jesus..
and I want it to be forever.
I'm tired of this halfhearted crap. I need to do more.