Updates, Barf and Flaws.

Since my last post, I guess a lot has happened.
Everything has been positive and I feel like everything is slowly starting to fall into place. God did bring me here for a reason and I'm just trying to keep my eyes open to it.

I finally got a job at a salon, which is SO good! It happened without me expecting it whatsoever! I honestly feel blessed that it happened the way that it did.
I guess it was all keeping my hope in God in knowing that He would take care of me.
I still lose that hope often though. It's a huge problem of mine. I just wish I could believe in Him to take care of me all the time, but me, being my stubborn, anxious little self.. can never seem to do that.

I need to realize that keeping my hope and trusting in Him WILL pay off.
It already has!
He knows what will happen next. I don't.
I am small. He is big.

I constantly fail to wrap my mind around that and grab hold of it.
I'm always consumed with myself. Everything. All about me.. me.. me.

BARF.


My mind has been all over the place this week. And I'm still scared for whats to come..
I can't seem to get over that fear and I don't know why.
I guess what I really need to start doing is practicing what I preach. I need to listen to my own advice. I need to live for God and not for the world.

I feel like the biggest hypocrite in the world. Maybe I'm just being hard on myself.. but if I wasn't, who would be? No one realizes all of my flaws like I do. And if I'm going to keep writing this blog, I need to start living out what I write.

I told myself that this post would be short and sweet, but instead, it turned out to be long and harsh. It's what I needed though. Just took me gathering all my thoughts and writing them down to notice what I was really doing.
I have good intentions, I just don't always follow them.
sooooo...
GOAL STARTING RIGHT NOW: live how God wants me to live. Not how I want to live.

I should of started that a looonnnggg time ago.
Buuuut, better late than never.

Here we go.. deeeeep breath. Ready. Set. Go.